instant coffee & freezer-burned shrimp for the soul

Life (mine)

2006-07-01T16:35:00.000-04:00

Sorry, yeah, I live in Princeton, NJ now--where Einstein lived for awhile. I guess my previous post was rather vague. I teach autistic kids and write a lot. I am living what some might call la dolce vita. Though I try to avoid too much sugar.

The above pic is from fark.com. I thought it was funny...

existence

2006-06-25T13:33:00.000-04:00

wow where the hell have i been?

crazy delicious!!!

2006-01-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

Quite possibly the funniest SNL has been in years. Is this the beginning of a turnaround? So now we've got "More Cowbell" and LAZY SUNDAY

Helen

2005-11-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

I'm officially a member of the Montclair Artisans' Cabal. Brave mad souls with dangerous ideas that almost make sense. We paint some. Here's my first watercolor titled Helen of Troy. Enjoy.

GoatBoy

2005-11-06T22:57:00.000-05:00

Okay, I teach kids who have ADHA. I can see about a thousand things that can and most likely will go wrong with this trampoline tango...

WAR IS OVER?

2005-11-04T15:25:00.000-05:00

I came by these photos through a friend of mine who asked me to put
them up. The top one's of a guy named Russell Luzzi, dated August
1945. The second was taken that same year, Nov. 3, when Russ was
stationed in Sasebo, Japan, 40 miles north of Nagasaki. The others he
took himself, back in Nutley, N.J., of his wife Mildred and their baby
girl. Probably early-50s. By my friend's account, Russ is a charming
fast-talking honest guy who would get a laugh seeing his photography
make the World Wide Web.

U2 and Bruce Springsteen

2005-10-19T19:49:00.000-04:00

What?!?

El Diablo Negro

2005-10-15T10:12:00.000-04:00

I'm just putting this up because it's a buddy of mine and I don't know whether to dig it, laugh or fill up with the fear. Comments most appreciated.

Also, I plan to be George W. for Halloween, but I'm not feeling terribly creative. Any ideas for clothes? A suit is fine, but I'm just not feeling it.

sorry

2005-10-04T20:28:00.000-04:00

I've been a busy bee, my friends. I'm working as a one-on-one aide in a Special Education school. Lots o' had work and dedication. Very rewarding, but sad pay. Anyone have any ideas for me as far as a second job goes? I work at the school Mon-Fri 8-3. Help me to survive, folks...

flashy

2005-09-13T16:56:00.000-04:00

Here's a Flash version of Eno's Strategies that my brother Mike designed. Much sexier.

rut

2005-09-09T10:33:00.000-04:00

Brian Eno has been in the think tank with Bowie, U2, Talking Heads and others. Here is a collection of cards he created to help him get out of any creative rut. You can use them for anything really--cooking, gardening, relationships--provided you keep an open mind and really follow the card's advice.

i vant to be alone (with Greta)

2005-09-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

Dan Callahan has written a great review of Garbo - The Signature Collection in slantmagazine.com. I caught a bit of The Mysterious Lady last night on Turner Classic Movies. I'll tell ya, they don't make 'em like that anymore.

Hollywood should go back to silent film. How would Samuel L. Jackson emote without his trademark screaming?

Love

2005-09-06T20:21:00.000-04:00

I got this from Fark: Deamonte Love, a 6 year old, took charge of 6 toddlers in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. So, this is what a hero looks like...

Lit

2005-09-05T20:27:00.000-04:00

LIT NYC, 93 2nd Avenue East Village.

This is where I go to get crazy and dance till I sweat like a monkey on amphetamines. You'll meet all kinds of delicious freaks in this joint. Women with their eyebrows shaved off, nerds, drug addicts, even some working stiffs with their cute little things to say about this little business called life.

Of course, the best part is the music. I don't know what they're doing, but the DJs spin the best stuff. There's also the Fuse Gallery in the back. Always something cool to see in there.

Oh, yeah, and the basement is where things get weird...

exorcise

2005-09-04T16:13:00.000-04:00

Lose weight...embrace Jesus!!!

I went monk-style Saturday night and stayed in. Woke up early this morning and, while channel surfing, noticed every other station was either sociopathic televangelists or infomercials for exercise equipment developed by retards.

Losing weight is good and all, provided you maintain your health. And finding Jesus is cool, provided you leave him where you found him--so others can come to him of their own volition. I know we Americans suck at maintaining a separation of church and state, but Jumping Jacks with Jesus goes beyond all comprehension.

bored

2005-09-02T14:01:00.000-04:00

The thought struck me, so I struck back. Try it next time you're in a karaoke bar.

Translators (a parody of Ray Parker Junior's "Ghostbusters")

Translators…
If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call (translators)
If you see Godzilla and he don't look good
Who ya gonna call (translators)
I ain't afraid a chopsticks
I ain't afraid a chopsticks
you're seein' things runnin' thru your head
Who can you call (translators)
Scarlett Johansson sleepin' in your bed
Oh who ya gonna call (translators)
I ain't afraid a sushi
I ain't afraid a sushi
Who ya gonna call (translators)
If you're all alone pick up the phone
An call (translators)
I ain't afraid a these kids
I hear they likes the girls
I ain't afraid a Buddhists
Who you gonna call (translators)
Mm…if you've had a dose
of Sake from your host baby
You better call translators
Sake makes me feel good
I ain't afraid of lasers
Don't get caught alone oh no…translators
When she comes through your door
Unless you've just got some more
I think you better call translators
Ooh... who you gonna call (translators)
Who you gonna call (translators)
Ah, I think you better call (translators)
I can't hear you…(translators)
Who you gonna call (translators)
Louder translators
Who you gonna call (translators)
Who you can call translators…(till fade)

Nah...Zdrovia?

2005-09-02T10:05:00.000-04:00

The self-love of Googlin' one's own name comes with a price. Apparently I made the Russian IMDB, which sounds like something from Firefox, the wonderful Clint Eastwood film. (Yes, "film." That's right).

What the ад?*

Also,
somebody lifted a scene from a novel of mine.

Wouldn't that be simply marvelous if I dedicated the rest of this blog to my novel-writing?!?

Ahem... Where'd you go?

*"ад" means H-E-double hockey sticks in Russian. According to Babelfish anyway...

pb & j

2005-09-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for Conspiracy Theorists and Run-of-the-Mill Paranoiacs*

Step One: Doubt everyone and everything. If you really love Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, then do your best to hide the affair from everyone, family, friends, and neighbors...especially neighbors.

Step Two: Buy a Hawaiian shirt. Everyone loves a Hawaiian shirt. Remember my motto: the more conspicuous, the less. All dirty work is done by men in Hawaiian shirts. I have a theory about that, but let's get on with this before they come for me. Go to local grocery store. Make sure there are no cameras in the parking lots. Usually the ones with the tall lights, the halogens are the ones with cameras. Go into the store. Quickly, quickly.

Step Three: I thought this was so important, I made it it's own step: DO NOT TRY AND ACT CALM WHILST IN THE GROCERY STORE. Only those who have something to hide act calm. Go ahead and avert your eyes. Ignore the old ladies who ask kindly for help finding a particular brand of chili mix. They're not your friends; they are government-sponsored mini-organ/money banks. Do you really think anyone lives over 60?
Step Four: Buy Peter Pan Peanut Butter. (Try saying that three times really fast). Buy Smuckers Low-Sugar Strawberry Jam. After careful calculations with several, low-lying mathematicians, I've discovered these are the only two products free of the trace amounts of Sodium Pentathol the government's been placing in food since the late '60's.

Step Five: Buy bread. Any kind of bread will do. The Bread industry goes untouched as of this date. I think the yeast has something to do with it--yeast being sentinent beings from the Planet Ujbiugbauidcvjbliufvfv.

Step Six: Pay with cash you keep sterilized in a plastic baggie.

Step Seven: Get home quickly. They've got a bead on you now. Probably
from touching the melons. Don't touch anything! Take a different route home. Throw off the scent.

Step Eight: Once home, listen for low-flying helicopters. If none present, begin construction of Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.

Step Nine: Take out two slices of bread.

Step Ten: Open peanut butter and jelly jars. Do not strain your muscles. Difficult jar tops were created by a survivalist group based in Omaha to increase need for men to prove their manliness after witnessing their woman opening the jar with ease.

Step Eleven: With a plastic knife (stainless steel is the greatest hoax since tires), spread Peanut Butter and Jelly onto slices one and two respectively and liberally. Do not, I repeat, do not put peanut butter and jelly on the same slice of bread. This method is a dead-give away to your capitalist leanings.

Step Twelve: Like the merging of two conglomerates, attach slice one and slice two via their toppings.

Step Thirteen: Always have a step thirteen. Thirteen, despite the Freemason-instigated rumor, is lucky. When done, unlock fridge and place purchased contents within. Lock up. Enjoy your sandwich. Bon appetit. Next time, we'll discuss how French is not a real language spoken by anyone in the universe.

PS: As far as what to drink with your pb & j, I recommend goat's milk (preferably from a goat outside the U.S. borders--cows have way too much influence inside the Belt.

*Make sure to burn off your fingerprints with acid before beginning this process.

se/view

2005-09-01T08:16:00.000-04:00

I first heard/saw Charlotte Vijaya in Sweden on their music channel. This is a beautiful video and a beautiful song. If you want to hear some more of her music, her album should be out in a while. She's let me hear some of the rough tracks. Bittersweet stuff.

Prof. Nick Drake is smiling from his cloud, outer space, or wherever he ended up.

fight the green boob

2005-08-31T12:06:00.000-04:00

Peter Handke wrote the script to Wings of Desire, a moving film made in 1987--two years before the Wall went down. The sequel, Stay (Faraway, So Close!)--exclamation point not mine--was a piece of poop, but still better than most of what's out in the cruel sea called
"What's on the Boob?"

Anyhow, check out Handke's book The Weight of the World, a collection of thoughts he had while living in Paris with his daughter. There's no story; it's a thoroughly postmodern jaunt.

PS: Am I linking up too much stuff?

bell

2005-08-30T01:37:00.000-04:00

Who is this cad?

I saw Fantasia on the big screen the other night and thought he resembled W. Mostly around the eyes.

The coolest part was when the church bell rang, signalling the dawn. Super W totally freaked like a redneck coming down from crystal meth.

But not your garden variety redneck...

This is the type that has visions as he or she comes down at six in the morning. Visions of Christ clipping his toenails or the Virgin Mary checking her voicemail.

So, what went wrong with Disney?

At ten bucks, Fantasia is worth the moola. There's some fuzzy, warm stuff in there, too--unicorns and cupids, lovey-dovey crap...

That's when I went and got some snacks.

Sub

2005-08-29T13:37:00.000-04:00

Applied for substitute teaching jobs today. Is this the pathway to hell? Fine; so be it. What's that Dante said? Why go to Heaven?--all the cool people are in Hell. Maybe that wasn't Dante. But you get my point, catch my drift, etc.

Sub-teaching will be good because I will have time to work on my novel. The children will sit and fidget with math problems or science labs or what-have-yous and I will sit content and make revisions to my opus. The secret to living forever rests in being able to sit in a room with 30 children (sociopaths) without feeling a shred of anxiety.

Wish me luck.

Oh, and that's James Joyce. I Googled Stephen Daedalus but obviously no good sketches.

Am I a dork?

Rhetorical, yes...

Also, I've been reading Bresson. He's right about the model vs. actor thing.

I mean, with whom would you rather sit next to on a roller coaster?

Jennifer Lopez?
Or some unknown model?